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By Krista Giovara
My ex-mother-in-law passed away recently. We knew it was coming because she’d been sick with an aggressive cancer for a long time. I got the news via text from my ex-husband. Luckily he was with two of our four kids and was able to tell them himself. He had to call our other two since they were away at school. As “expected” as her passing may have been, it was still brutal.
I'm going to admit something I don’t tell my husband. While he’s an incredible guy whom I love and who makes me laugh, my girlfriends are my sounding board for my important issues. That’s not to say that I don’t share my deep thoughts with my husband; it’s just that, while he’ll listen, I generally don’t get the kind of feedback I’d get from my besties…
I like to joke that I’ve been training to be a Second Wife my entire life. Clearly that wasn’t my intention. Yet, looking back, I’m not surprised. I’ve never thought of myself as uber-competitive and I’ve been pretty comfortable not finishing first. That’s not to say that I don’t like to win. Sometimes, though, being in the race is enough for me.
Recently a friend of mine went on a cruise with her ex-husband, their kids and his new girlfriend. By choice. If you’re waiting for the punchline, that was it. They had a great time and let’s just say I was impressed. Well, impressed but not jealous. I get along well with my ex but I can’t imagine vacationing with: him, his wife, my current husband and all of our kids combined.
By Krista Giovara
When my ex and I divorced, we agreed to split our time with the kids 50/50. They were 2, 3, 8 and 9. I’d been a full-time mom since the older two were toddlers. As with a lot of us stay-at-home moms, it was all I knew and had become my identity. Yet, suddenly, I wasn’t with them 24/7. Instead I spent a lot of days lying in bed, crying.
By Krista Giovara
When my husband and I married nine years ago, the idea of raising seven kids together was more than a little daunting. Even with having them only half the time, it was often overwhelming. They were young, between the ages of 4 and 12, but I knew that eventually they’d grow up and head out into the world. I hate to say it but I wasn’t entirely broken up by the idea …
By Krista Giovara
When I was 9, my best friend Allison and I decided to save up our allowances for tennis shoe roller skates and a duplex we’d live in with the twins we planned to marry. We quickly realized our piddly allowances weren’t going to allow for both goals. And we didn’t know any twins, so we aimed for the skates. It took forever to save, but finally: Off we went to Gemco!
By Krista Giovara
It was noon on a Thursday. My college-enrolled daughter had been home for over a week for her Summer Break and we’d barely seen her since she arrived. After knocking on her door several times, with no answer, I opened the door and looked inside. The room was dark and she was asleep. The bedside table was littered with empty water bottles, snack wrappers and discarded clothing. It looked like a disaster zone.
By Krista Giovara
once blocked my ex-husband on my phone after a kid-related text exchange became heated. I was so upset that I didn’t want to hear a peep from him. I only blocked him for a few days and I’m fairly certain he was not only clueless but relieved. However, it was not one of my proudest co-parenting moments. Have you ever sunk to my level?
Back in the day—before kids and marriage…
By Krista Giovara
When I married my current husband, he had three kids and I had four. We also had two calendars between us. I know, that sounds like a math problem. And, just like a math problem, there was only one solution: We had to get on the same calendar. Easier said than done, right? My ex and I had worked out our own kid-sharing calendar with the help of a mediator and it was pretty basic.
By Krista L. Giovara
My youngest daughter once asked me, “Do you know my Nana and Papa?” I was shocked but also had to hold back a laugh. Her dad—my ex—and I had been married 13 years, together 17. We’d had four children and had spent countless holidays and vacations with her grandparents before we divorced. How could she not remember? Have you ever experienced this? The answer was, “Yes.” I did know her Nana and Papa.
By Krista Giovara
Navigating the parenting world after divorce is difficult. Add stepparents to the equation and it’s not surprising there are differences in opinions, parenting styles and personalities. Who can build a friendship on that? It’s gotta be tough. I have friends who’ve always had a tough time dealing with their husbands’ ex-wives and/or their ex-husbands’ new wives.
By Krista Giovara
My camera was stolen during our first Christmas together as a new stepfamily. This was over eight years ago, so it wasn’t an iPhone—meaning we had no backup and have not one picture to remember it by. Yet, since it was our very first, I’d made a huge effort. (That’s something I’ve eased up on over the years.) It was upsetting because I’d taken hundreds of photos and had really tried to outdo myself.
By Krista Giovara
The three words I remember most from growing up are: “Life isn’t fair.” I, my sister and our three stepsisters heard itconstantly. Our parents managed to fit that saying into family conversations on what felt like a daily basis. For example, when someone else got the last dessert. Or when my stepfather bought tennis shoe roller skates for one of my stepsisters—after I’d had to buy mine with my hard-earned allowance.
By Krista Giovara
I love Summer, though I know it’s not ideal for everyone. In particular, some of my friends who have younger kids don’t enjoy it. They think it’s a pain to find a constant stream of activities for little ones to participate in when they aren’t in school. Not me! I love not having an alarm clocking off at the crack of dawn. I love not having to get the kids off to school.
By Krista Giovara
When I tell people my husband and I have seven kids they’re always blown away. It's kind of fun to watch shock register on their faces before admitting that I've only given birth to four of them. Ten years ago, when I started down this journey and thought I’d try my hand at being the “perfect mom of blending,” I used to love it when people believed all seven were mine.
by Krista Giovara
When I met my husband 10 years ago and married him two years later, our kids were very young. When we first met they were: 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 10 and 11. There are four boys and three girls between us. And, let’s be honest, with that many kids it’s not surprising that our transition to stepfamily life was extremely difficult. Yet, I assumed it was hard because it was all new to us.
By Krista Giovara
When my ex-husband and I got married, we did it quickly. We dated for only eight months before we were engaged. We were pretty young. I felt this pressure to be perfect and to win at everything in life. (Can we say narcissistic parent?) I wanted to be one of the first people we knew to get married. And we were! Soon after, we began the whirlwind of having kids.
